The Luther Burger

What you’ll need:

1 GIANT hamburger patty

1 CRAPLOAD American cheese

1 PIG cooked bacon

2 Krispy Creme doughnuts

Directions:

Make a cartoonishly-huge bacon cheeseburger, but use Krispy Creme doughnuts instead of a bun.

THAT’S A REAL THING.

Legend has it, R&B icon Luther Vandross wanted his favorite midnight snack one night, was fresh out of hamburger buns, but realized he had the next best thing…

The rest is history, and now we can all weigh 7,000lbs by the end of summer!

Is anybody else sick of reading about the upcoming presidential election, the war on terrorism, and Harry Potter?

BOOOOOOOOORING!

Was anybody else super-excited when the first thing they read this morning was Monkeys Control Robots With Their Minds!?

Finally!

Welcome to The Future!

That is a CNN Shirt I would definitely buy.

Are we ready for this, though? I’m not sure I am. I’m still amazed daily that I’m able to use the Internet on my phone. I haven’t fully realized the capabilities of my iPod, and now we’re only a few small steps away from robotic-limb world domination! 

Sure, today it’s adorable little monkeys feeding themselves fruit and marshmallows with their adorable little monkey-minds. Maybe tomorrow science and medicine will team up to help patients with degenerative disorders. But what’s next? What happens when one little chip in the brain goes a little crazy? WE’RE DONE!

Our July 6th Pool Party line-up will be announced very soon…LIKE RIGHT NOW:

Rock and roll legend Ronnie Spector has been added to our already diverse summer lineup. Joining Ronnie will be The Rabbit Factory Soul Revue with Southern Soul icons Ralph “Soul” Jackson & Roscoe Robinson, Herman Hitson and Wiley and the Checkmates. You certainly do not want to miss this Rock and Soul Dance Party, and sure-to-be-historic moment at JellyNYC’s Pool Parties!

Let’s announce July 13th, too - OK!? Matt + Kim and The Whip will perform with another special guest TBA. Go watch super-fun videos of Matt + Kim at SXSW on their website!

We’ve already announced Black Lips and Deerhunter for August 3rd, but then we went ahead and just added King Khan + His Shrines and Tall Firs to the bill!

While we’re at it, Aesop Rock and Panther have just been added to our August 17th show! Watch Aesop Rock’s video for ‘Pigs’ here, featuring the artwork of Jeremy Fish.

And remember, tickets for the July 31st Apples in Stereo and Earlimart show at Brooklyn’s Masonic Temple are available at this TicketWeb link: http://www.ticketweb.com/snl/EventListings.action?orgId=22163

We’ve also announced MGMT for the July 27th Pool Party, but we just got our hands on the video from their recent Conan O’Brien appearance, and we would love to share it with you. For your viewing pleasure:

People say you can tell a lot about a person by the shoes they wear. I’d say the same about a flashy belt buckle. I proudly wear a brass cobra that also functions as a bottle opener. Sounds pretty cool, huh? Turns out it’s a way better idea on paper than it is around the waist. Picture yourself at a party, and everyone wants to open their beers on your belt buckle. It’s pretty sweet being so popular, but by 10:30 you end up smelling like a brewery, and you look like you peed your pants. And no one wants to hang out with smelly-beer-pants-guy, except other smelly-beer-pants guys. On the plus-side, if you have smelly-beer-pants, you could pee your pants, and no one would know the difference.

Here are some notable buckles I’ve seen around town, and what they really say about a person:

SLAYER EAGLE - Do NOT mess with someone with a Slayer buckle. This person is capable of hurting you. Even it the wearer of the buckle looks unassuming, they might be the type of dude willing to carve things into their arm and lighting it on fire. If they are willing to bring that sort of harm upon themselves, you do not want to see what they are capable of doing to you. Let them believe they are Reigning In Blood and leave them be.

THE JESUS - The opposite of the Slayer buckle has to be the Jesus buckle - the wearer of this buckle probably has good Godly intentions, but is a bit confused. If there is any place Jesus does need a tribute, it’s in a man’s crotchal region. Although it certainly does serve as a good reminder to keep those pants on until marriage, right JelllyNYC readers!?

BOOZE PARTY PANTS - I’m a huge fan of the multifunctional buckles. And if you’re the type that has to carry booze on you at all times, why not create a situation where you have to take your belt off to get to it? If you take drinking this seriously, the pants are coming off anyway. I particularly like the boombox on this one, because now everyone will know that you like music!

THE GAMER - With the original NES controller buckle, you’re not afraid to show that you’re a dork. But people will appreciate your dorkiness for a true classic, as well as your sentimentality. Also, they’ll be super-impressed when they see you can run so much faster than them when you hold down the B-button!

There WILL be a part II!

Take a load off! Memorial Day is the official unofficial beginning of summer! I’m not sure if you all know how to do Memorial Day right, but it really breaks down to these two things:

Eating this:

And drinking this:

LOTS OF IT. Consume as much BBQ and Zima as your system can handle, and you will win Memorial Day, believe you me. Get super-fancy and toss a little Jolly Rancher in your bottle, now that’s a man’s drink! (high five, chest bump, football!) Just in case you didn’t know, Zima has been REDEFINED. And don’t worry vegans and/or underagers, grilled corn and a tall glass of 7-up isn’t a bad alternative. Everybody wins at the fake Internet barbecue!

Boost Mobile and JellyNYC in partnership with New York Magazine Present ‘The Secret Society Shows’ - and we are so very excited to announce Apples in Stereo w/ Earlimart and Poison Control Center at Brooklyn Masonic Temple on July 31st!

Tickets are available now HERE. And as a bonus, New York Magazine is offering a free one-year (46 issues) subscription with your ticket purchase. SO GET ON THAT. The show is 18+ and doors open at 7:30pm.

Also, we love you.

Yesterday I was a bit of a tease, and I’m sorry about that. You people want announcements, and I’m here to provide you with them. Hopefully I can make it up to you today by announcing TWO POOL PARTY LINE-UPS!!

Sun July 20th Pool Party Line-up ANNOUNCED: Liars, Fuck Buttons, and Team Robespierre!

Sun August 3rd Pool Party Line-up ANNOUNCED: Black Lips, Deerhunter, and special guest TBA!

Here’s lots of band-related stuff worth checking out: 

Liars love Radiohead, and will be back on tour with them in August. They also love Nirvana, or at least an occasional ‘Territorial Pissings’ cover. 

Fuck Buttons make videos way more interesting that your iTunes visualizer. 

Team Robespierre is playing in Greenpoint on Saturday, will be in London for a good bit of June, but will be back in Brooklyn in plenty of time for the July 20th Pool Party!

The Vice Records website has some Black Lips mp3s for download, and if you haven’t seen the ‘Veni Vidi Vici’ video yet, you should probably get on that.

Deerhunter has a really great blog that they keep very updated. More bands should do that! Good job, Deerhunter. 

I’d say that was a pretty good announcement for today. And as much as I hate being a tease (I love being a tease), I have a feeling we might have ANOTHER announcement tomorrow!

OH, SNAP. Don’t you hate that!? Would it have been better to have not said anything, than to have left you gnawing at your fingernails in anticipation for tomorrow’s big pool schedule announcement?

It’s like when we used to watch Saturday Morning Cartoons, something AWESOME was about to happen, then BLAM:

BUT SERIOUSLY, STAY TUNED! The Hold Steady is coming in June. We just announced MGMT, Black Moth Super Rainbow, and The Ting Tings for July. So who’s next? We know John Denver’s not a possibility - we keep leaving messages with his people, but they just will not get back to us! Aesop Rock? Deerhunter? Fuck Buttons? The Black Lips? Oh, the possibilities…

We’ll make the announcement tomorrow, we promise!