Are you sick of the same old beer at every summer barbecue and pool party? Is it finally time to retire the Zima? Ready to mix it up and try something new? Our friends at College Humor had a pretty sweet idea:

(CLICK THE PICTURE)

Fun Fact: This was shot at the same location as the classic Adam Sandler/Chris Farley SNL spoof, Schmitts Gay!

So we at JellyNYC were sitting around thinking. We were thinking that July 20, 2008 was shaping up to be a pretty sweet Sunday. The Liars, Fuck Buttons, and Team Robespierre will most definitely make for a great summer Pool Party.

But what could we add to tie everything together? What is this Pool Party missing?

Wait, did someone say Pool PARTY!?

PPPPAAAARRRRTTTTYYYY!?

Then a big brick hit us in the face!

Why don’t we get the biggest party-pants of them all to DJ throughout the whole shebang?

BRILLIANT IDEA, JELLYNYC!

So that’s what we’re doing.

Enter everyone’s best friend in the whole world, guaranteed to keep you partying ’til you’re puking, ANDREW WK!!! 

It’s official: The ‘Larry David’ haircut is in this summer!

Everyone knows summer is about three things:

1. Feeling good.

2. Eating good.

3. Looking good.

‘The Larry D’ (for short) is a very easy and inexpensive way to take care of ‘looking good’. All’s you need is a cheap pair of clippers from the local Target, the desire for an instant boost in your quality of life, and a friend to help you straighten out the back. 

Look at this guy. He’s feeling, eating, and looking good! The breeze over his smooth dome, the status of ‘grillmaster’ obviously achieved through the confidence exuding from his skull, and dare I say he’s one of the most distinguished looking gentlemen I have ever laid eyes on?

And don’t just do yourselves a favor guys, let’s hear what some real-life ladies have to say about this haircut: 

“I love how his smooth head feels against my neck!” - Jesse Spano

“He runs so much faster and jumps so much higher!” - Kelly Kapowski

“I don’t like it.” - Lisa Turtle

If you don’t already know, the $50 million McCarren Park pool renovation is drawing close, which means this is the last summer it will be available for the Pool Parties. But wouldn’t it be sweet if there was concert space planned into the building of the new 28-acre Bushwick Inlet Park by the waterfront?? If you think so, PLEASE GET INVOLVED and let’s make this happen.

There is a Friends of Bushwick Inlet Park Meeting you can attend:

Monday, June 9th @ 7pm / Diamond Bar / 43 Franklin St @ Cayler

This will be the first working meeting for the group, and they have some serious goals! Friends of BIP plans on creating a website and forming committees ASAP in order to monitor issues associated with the building of the park as well as holding the City and Parks Department accountable for its creation.

You need absolutely zero experience to attend the meeting and/or join the Friends of Bushwick Inlet Park Committee. To stay informed about the issues with the new park, and to learn how to push and assist the City throughout its progress, please come on June 9th!! Make sure your free summer concerts continue!!

It’s getting hot and I’ve made up my mind. This summer, I’m wearing shorts! I’ve always been an exclusively-pants guy, but I’m ready for change. No more sweating under the jeans at the park, I’m letting it breathe this year!

BUT HOW SHORT DO I GO!?

This is a very important decision, and I really have no idea. Every year the dudes are showing totally different amounts of leg. Is it fair to say last year’s style for the ladies is this year’s style for the dudes? Seems to be the case if you ask me. Two years ago, the ladies were the only ones wearing super-short jean shorts, but last year the guys were doing it! I noticed the girls were showing a lot less leg last year, so that does that mean we dudes are back to knee-length this year? 

GOD I HOPE SO! 

The tentative plan is to cut some old cords a little below the knee and let ‘em ride. I happen to be pretty tall, freakishly thin, with legs that look like New England Clam Chowder. I can’t be strutting around town with shorts so short the pockets come out the bottom. No one wants that. Even if I looked like THAT GUY (above), I’d at least cover to mid-thigh just out of self-respect. 

Honestly, I’d be happy testing the waters with a nice pair of capris. If only they were socially acceptable for duuuuudes! All’s I know is it’s summer and I want to stay cool. I’m just plain scared of this new alternate, pants-less world the majority of people already live in.

BUT I’M GOING FOR IT!

Maybe next summer, I’ll take off the sweater! ZIIIING.

Take a look over to your right. Not your real-life right, stay on the computer screen! You’ll notice that the summer Pool Party schedule has been, and will continue to be updated and linked right on this page. Totally for your convenience. 

ONTO BIGGER BUSINESS…

With the massive popularity of the last post about the Luther Burger (over 1,000,000 hits in the first hour since its post!!), we here at JellyNYC are conducting a poll concerning this year’s Pool Party menu.

We are considering adding a new item to the menu, and have it narrowed down to these three choices:

-Popcorn Salad w/ bacon and cheese (served in a vintage, working Mr. Bucket)

-freeze-dried Astronaut Ice Cream (handed to you by an actual crew member of the Space Shuttle Discovery wearing an official NASA flight suit)

-The Luther Burger - a bacon cheeseburger between Krispy Creme doughnuts (also served with a Mr. Bucket, but for you to cry into while eating the burger)

IF we were to add only one of the following items to the menu, which would you prefer? Please vote in the comments section, and PLEASE keep in mind which is the safest to eat before hitting the Slip ‘N Slide. Some of these food items come up even easier than they go down.