It’s getting hot and I’ve made up my mind. This summer, I’m wearing shorts! I’ve always been an exclusively-pants guy, but I’m ready for change. No more sweating under the jeans at the park, I’m letting it breathe this year!

BUT HOW SHORT DO I GO!?

This is a very important decision, and I really have no idea. Every year the dudes are showing totally different amounts of leg. Is it fair to say last year’s style for the ladies is this year’s style for the dudes? Seems to be the case if you ask me. Two years ago, the ladies were the only ones wearing super-short jean shorts, but last year the guys were doing it! I noticed the girls were showing a lot less leg last year, so that does that mean we dudes are back to knee-length this year? 

GOD I HOPE SO! 

The tentative plan is to cut some old cords a little below the knee and let ‘em ride. I happen to be pretty tall, freakishly thin, with legs that look like New England Clam Chowder. I can’t be strutting around town with shorts so short the pockets come out the bottom. No one wants that. Even if I looked like THAT GUY (above), I’d at least cover to mid-thigh just out of self-respect. 

Honestly, I’d be happy testing the waters with a nice pair of capris. If only they were socially acceptable for duuuuudes! All’s I know is it’s summer and I want to stay cool. I’m just plain scared of this new alternate, pants-less world the majority of people already live in.

BUT I’M GOING FOR IT!

Maybe next summer, I’ll take off the sweater! ZIIIING.